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Nudie and the Beast

by Charles Albano

"It's not your first bath, Buster,
Don't look at me askance;
You'll finish with a luster,
Your fur will be enhanced.

"Your snarls don't frighten me,
We've been through this before;
I'll wash out every flea
And scrub you till you're sore!"

I grabbed him under neck and chest,
He twisted and he squirmed;
Into the tub he came to rest,
And dark the water turned!

It took three dozen pails
To soak him through and through.
I pushed him back, he wouldn't sit,
And then my temper grew!

He pressed his head against my chest
To bolster for attack;
On slippery knees I did my best,
To hold that quarterback!

I swept his paws from off the ledge
And swung him to the side,
Then cornered him into a wedge
That he could not abide.

I slipped and rolled into the tub;
He climbed right over me
And sprang away onto the rug
To seek his liberty.

"You can run, but I will catch you,
And then you'll see who's boss!
I'll scrub until your ears turn blue,
And clean your teeth with dental floss!"

"The time has come for you to shine,
So listen to your master.
Come here, you little Frankenstein--
Don't make this a disaster!"

He bypassed me into the yard
And dashed into the gate....
When Man and Dog drew playing card,
Twas Man who mastered fate!

He should have known
Right from the start
That Man alone
Had brain AND heart!

In soggy socks, I tracked him there;
I had him cornered good!
We drew attention everywhere
Throughout the neighborhood.

Then people gathered round about,
And said things rather rude.
I heard them laugh and bellow out,
"You fool, you're nearly nude!"

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Copyright © 1998 by Dr. Charles Albano. All rights reserved.